Miss Independent

Coffe or Tea?

2011-10-29T12:01:00.000+08:00

I feel like I did something bad, something I never should've agreed upon. But, it just happened, and its nothing.. Right? I mean nothing special is going on with us but I just tend to go with the flow more often than not.

I like to be friendly, just keeping it to the minimum. My friend Aiko and I were on our way home when she bumped into her friend. So we stopped right before we reach the north gate sign outside just in the middle of the lane. They were exchanging hi and hellos, did some catching time and so on... While I, on the other hand was holding my phone texting someone I promised my two high school best friends I would never do. But I just did.

And right at that moment when I glanced up I saw him coming, wearing the black shirt I gave him a few years back, a headphone on his neck, a familiar jacket and a messenger bag. I knew that I should've never agreed doing this without "her" consent but what the heck? It's not like we're strangers.

So we walked until we reached fast bites. He was going to treat my friend and I for some frappe and coffee, he opened the door for us, asked us what we want, and for a while we were looking at ourselves laughing together, just like old times.

He knew what I wanted and he ordered Aiko a coffee and himself an old time favorite frappe of his. We went upstairs and shared some more laughs and it wasn't long when he said goodbye because it was almost time for him to work.

My friend, Aiko and I stayed a little longer at the couch and shared stories that brought up a lot of memories and I believe that our friendship is starting to get stronger as the days pass. I could share anything to her and she would do the same, we'll laugh at the most simplest things and make fun of odd people.

I'm glad that this day had happened because I was able to spend time with them. Don't worry, it's not like there was sparkle when I saw him, it's just a feeling of curiosity on why, in the first place, would he want to ask me out. But I really didn't get the answer to my question and I don't bother knowing it.

10/18/2011

2011-10-28T06:52:00.000+08:00

Earlier today, while my friend, Aiko and I was walking at NorthGate singing/ rapping our favorite Nicki Minaj song someone called me from afar, I waived at her with a big smile on my face, as I was doing that I noticed that there's something behind her smile, so I looked at her left and... Low and behold! My ex-boyfriend is standing next to her. And my crazy college friend was shouting "Yoda? YODAAA!!! Yodaaaa!!!" She was Kind of hysterical that time which was funny for that awkward moment.

My churchmate, Joan who was with my ex asked me if I want to ride with them, and I said with a smile, "Puno na eh." Which was true, of course.

That's it! I just want to blog it :))

Dream.

2011-10-12T02:26:00.000+08:00

Last Sunday, I had a dream. I don’t know if it’s a good or bad dream. But with all of the people in the world, I actually dreamt of him. Yes, I’m talking about my ex-boyfriend. They say when you dream of someone it’s either:

You're thinking of him or;
He's thinking of you

But, with all honesty, I can say that I really wasn't thinking of him. You can all go and say "WEEEEH" But, I'll stand to what I've said that I wasn't. Really. So, the dream goes like this...

My friend, Kim and I was at Times (the infamous street of our old university) I think we were with Amity as well but I couldn't remember exactly, we were wearing our white uniform and it seemed like we came from a seminar, while we were walking along Times street, I saw my ex, and then my friend and I kept on following him, he looked like he was looking for a computer shop because he keeps on going in and out of all the computer shops at Times. Finally, Kim and I followed him up to SM Center, Kim went to the ladies' room and I went outside, he was waiting for me there. I came up to him and I showed him my braces. Just like that. And then, I ran inside the restroom and I stared at myself on the mirror, after a little while my teeth on my lower incisors fell off.

And then I woke up. I stared at the ceiling for like two minutes and then I grabbed my phone which is just on the right side of the bed... And, low and behold! I got a text from him.

It was just a "Kamusta" text. But I didn't reply. Don't you think it's just a little weird that while I was dreaming of him, he texted me?

Peace

2011-05-15T19:56:00.000+08:00

Our resident pastor talked about Philippians 4:4-9 at Church a while ago. His message really caught my heart, and also Pastor Allan and his wife’s testimony. I’ve always felt like I carry a big weight on my shoulders each day I arise in the morning, like I have the biggest problem in the world. But, God reminded me that my problems are just a particle of what other people are experiencing now.

I was teary-eyed while P. Allan’s wife was delivering her testimony, they lost their first born son last December 2010 because of medical malpractice at a hospital, to cut the story short, they forgave those people involved in the care of their son. I believe and I know that it is a very difficult situation for any parents who would experience that. I mean, forgiving the people who caused your son’s death is a big deal, and very hard to do.

And here I am, being furiously mad at someone for giving me a broken heart, expressing my madness at him at people, and telling them I couldn’t forgive him. To be honest, I felt an ounce of shame running down my blood as I was hearing the words “forgiveness” and “peace” at church a while ago. I mean, who am I to not forgive him? I know I’ve been in a lot of pain because of him, but maybe the reason why it’s harder for me to move on is because I still haven’t forgiven him.

I’ve always been afraid to forgive him because I’m afraid that if he and I started talking again, he would do the same thing to me again. And, because I can get really stupid at times, I might fall for it again. But now, I’m not afraid anymore. I know now what God is trying to teach me. And I’m proud to say, that I’ve learned a lot about these experiences he gave me.

I was thinking of sending him a message through facebook, but I don’t know how to start it off. But, I will send him one. I mean, if I’m forgiving him, he might as well know about it, right?

I feel so refreshed today, I'm glad I went to church this morning :)

So, I’m going to end this blog with a bible verse:

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me – put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”

Philippians 4:8-9

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2011-05-11T23:58:00.000+08:00

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Forgiveness?

2011-04-27T22:37:00.000+08:00

I know my blog can be a little over the top, but I can't help not to rant about petty stuffs, like how I rant about my ex-boyfriend and how he crashed my innocent heart.

Every week, I always encouter stuffs or people talking about "forgiveness." When we officially broke up, last September 2010, I found it easily for myself to forgive him right away. But when he broke it the second time, I was furious, I was like a mad man cursing like wildfire infront of my friends, and I cursed infront of him as well. I wasn't able to write about that... About what happened, about what he did to me during the second week of February 2011.

He suddenly started to communicate with me during the late days of January, I wasn't comfortable at first but then I thought, "hey, we were best of friends before, maybe that's what we're meant to be.. Just friends." So, I replied to his texts thinking that his girlfriend knows about it.

It started one afternoon when I was at a grocery store with my mom and I got a surprised call from him. I wanted to end the phone conversation right after I heard his voice, but he told me something I couldn't get my hands to end the call. It was something personal and family related so I wouldn't share it online, or to anyone. I still have respect for his privacy.

To cut the story short, he was stealing my heart for the second time. He would conatantly text me, express his "concerns" for me and even brings back the memories we had when we were still together. He would share his problems with me and I would try to give him comforting words, He also said how much he miss me, my parents, my cousins, even Bolt, our dog. He would say a lot of random stuffs that would make me wonder and ask my self, "What is he doing? Is he trying to win me back?"

I asked him how he and his girlfriend was, he would say that they're okay. For a moment I thought he was just missing me. Which is normal I guess, because during those times.. I kinda did missed him too.

And then after a few days he kinda bugged the ignorant shit out of me. When he started asking me if I still love him and he would tell me that his love never died, and he would put sugar coated words in my head. I kinda fell for it you know, when he told me that he still loves me, that he misses me, and that I'm the girl he wants to be with in the end.

He even surprised me on the 13th of February, the evening before Valentine's Day. Typical Yoda, full of surprises.

For a moment, I thought he wanted me back, I gave him another chance, but he blew it on the last day. And now, I know I'm sure that we can never bring back those days when we were still together. It's not the same anymore.

I know the right thing to do is to forgive him. But I just can't, it's so hard for me to do that. It's like making me eat a piece of raw meat. It makes me gag. Maybe someday I will be able to forgive him, when I reach my geriatric stage, when I'm old and I have no other choice but to forgive him.

Evil Ka!

2011-04-11T01:02:00.000+08:00

Sorry sa title ha. Pero naasar pa talaga ko. At wala kayong paki-alam.

April 6, 2011. Baccalaureate Mass namin, araw na dapat walang negativity sa katawan ko, dapat masaya ako at walang epal sa mundo. First time ko na-recieve ung text niya. Honestly, wala akong idea kung sino yung nagtext na yan. Pinatanong ko pa ung number na yan sa mga katabi ko nung mass kaso walang nag-register na pangalan sa number na yan.

Madami kasi nagte-text sakin na number lang, eh ako ung tipo na babae na pag tinanong ko kung sino ka at di ka na nag-reply, e hindi na kita kukulitin kung sino ka man. Ang arte mo naman kasi kung di mo pakilala sarili mo dba?

Tapos, typical Catholic Mass, may peace be with you bago mag end ang misa. Naka-recieve na naman ako ng text. Sabi nia "peace." Iniisip ko kung sino talaga siya, kinikilig pa nga ako kasi baka mamaya ung crush ko na pala yung nag-text. Pero after 20 minutes tinigil ko na ang ilusyon ko, at na-realize ko na kahit magka-world war ulit, hindi ako itetext nung crush kong yun! Haha! So, kinalimutan ko ung text na yan.

Graduation Day. Graduation Day! Graduation Day!!! GRADUATION DAY.

Yung text niya na yan, naka tayo na ko dun sa may upuan namin sa PICC, ako naman e-engot engot hindi ko naisip agad na baka SIYA yun. Na-realize ko na lang na siya pala yun dahil sa last text niya.

ANG KAPAL NG MUKA MO talaga. Akala mo hindi ako seryoso sa sinabi ko sayo na ayaw na kita makita at makausap kahit kelan? Pagkatapos ng ginawa mo sakin? Hindi lang una, pero dalawang beses pa. Hindi nga lang dalawa eh. Grabe na talaga yang kakapalan ng muka mo. Tapos sasabihan mo pa ko na pangarap nating dalawa yun. WOW!

Clarify ko lang ha... Baka sabihin niyo ang baduy ko dati. Oo, siguro nga naging "pangarap" namin un. Pero hindi ung picture ang pangarap talaga. Nung nag-aaral pa kasi kami nung kami pa, as in simula ng pagpasok namin dyan sa college namin na yan, iniisip namin ung future. Ang dami nga namin plano eh, actually, siya talaga ung nagpa-plano. Ganung klaseng lalaki kasi siya.

Tapos ngayon, sasabihan niya ko ng ganyan? Pagkatapos ng lahat? Ano nasa isip niya? Na kasali pa rin siya sa mga pangarap ko? HA! Patawa ka. Unti-unti na kitang kinakalimutan. At please lang. Wag mo nang balaking kausapin ako ulit. Dahil ikaw, kino-consider na kitang stranger sa buhay ko.

Ayos nga yung moment ko dun sa PICC nung time na yan. Habang hawak ko ung cellphone ko at iniisip ko kung sino siya, paglingon ko. Wow. Ang ganda ng view ko. Andun siya, kitang kita sa pwesto na inuupuan ko.

Wala ko paki-alam kung ano isipin ng ibang tao sa post kong to. Kung isipin nio mang bitter ako, OA, ang arte, masyado ma-drama, epal, lahat na. Basta gusto ko lang iparating sa kanya to, nang hindi ko siya kinakausap. Di ko nga alam kung alam niya tong blog ko eh. Pero sana mabasa niya to.

Oo galit ako. At hindi ko maisip na mapatawad siya kahit kelan. Sana nga mapatawad ko pa siya, pero sa ngayon, wala sa isip ko yun. Ako na masama. Pero ganun talaga nasa isip at nararamdaman ko ngayon.

Bitter.

2011-01-11T23:44:00.001+08:00

I only have one question in mind after I had a small talk with a friend while we were on our way home;

“BAKIT, WALA BA KONG KARAPATANG MAGING BITTER?”

Don’t I have the right to be bitter, to get angry, and to feel remorse about my past relationship?

I was told by a friend of mine that some people in school were telling him/ her that I’m still bitter because of my blog posts. And I was dumb founded that time. I mean, if there’s a person who’s going to understand what I’m feeling or going through it’s gotta be the girls, right? Girls that had past experiences in a catastrophic break-up like mine, I may have exaggerated my words. But, nevertheless, my point is, why do I feel that being bitter is a crime that I have committed to. Like, it’s an epidemic disease that people will start looking at you in a bad way, in a disgusting kind of way. Pathetic.

I’m really on a high right now. I’m happy, for the first time ever, I didn’t fall and cry into stupid melodramatic love songs like I used to when I was being bitter, having all the deceitfulness inside of me, and was feeling sorry for myself. I’m happy that I sometimes end the day without thinking of him. I’m not going to lie that I stopped thinking about him, but there were days that I didn’t really think of him, and that made me feel better knowing I had actually done that once or twice. That I also stopped talking about him when I’m with my friends, although I still do sometimes, because of some random moments. But, the important thing for me right now, is that I’m making a good progress about this break-up scenario I had to put myself into.

I believe I’m handling this quite good, and responsibly. I didn’t do drugs, or drink or smoke. I didn’t go out with random men just to feel a man’s presence. I didn’t cut my wrist or think of having a suicide. Unlike others out there... I’m not being proud, I’m just saying... That it’s not really that bad.

I know that I will find love again, maybe not now, and I’m not in a hurry, I know God have bigger plans for me. I may not be like any other Christians out there, I’m not too devoted and all, but I’m trying my best to put everything in God’s name. May sound so heavenly, but I’m not really that good in maintaining my quiet time schedule. But, I’m trying my best-est.

For now, I’m enjoying the company of other people. I love being single, it gives me more freedom and I don’t have to lie to my parents for having a date. (Because I’m currently not having any, just the usual texts and calls) The next time I go out on a real date, guys must ask my parents first. ;)

It’s really a plus when guys goes out of there way just for me to notice them, in a way no other man could. And maybe, the sign that I’m looking for is just right around the corner waiting for me to pick up but not anytime soon...

Twenty Ten

2011-01-02T20:07:00.003+08:00

I feel nauseous. Have you ever felt like you’re carrying the world in your entire body and you can’t do anything about it? Like, you seemed stuck for a while, in a deep sleep while your eyes are awake, like you’re here, but you’re not actually here. I’m not making any sense have I?

I don’t know, but I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. Perhaps some of you as well, it’s New Year, so I think it’s really a necessity to look back to those days and months of the last year. A lot had happened to me, I hope it was all good memories, but you cannot live twelve months of your year without feeling any sadness, somewhere along the way a huge amount of warpath would come into your life whether you like it or not.

My breakup story would be pretty much the highlight of my 2010. I want to do a recap.

JULY – My birthday. His birthday. Our third year anniversary. All in one month. Can you believe that? They say we’re soul mates, guess whoever said that is eating his words right now. This month, is my happiest month of 2010. Everything just seemed perfect during those days. I remember, how I was feeling gloomy on the 15^th, I even cried in front of him and he just hugged me and everything was okay. After I got out of the ladies’ room, he stood there in front of the door with a cake and a candle on his hand singing to me happy birthday. Okay, I’m not sure if he sang, but whatever. From that night on, I officially proclaimed to myself that he’s going to be the man I’ll marry. Our third year anniversary was a blast too. Probably the BEST date we ever had. I don’t know about him, but for me, it was.

AUGUST – We were having problems along the way... He was busy, and I understood that. He was working, at the same time studying. I know it’s hard, I can see it in his face, and I can feel it when he’s with me. I know I may not be showy and all, but I loved him. I may not be the sweetest, but I care for him sincerely. Everything was okay until he had his duty at NCMH. He was beginning to change in a way I couldn’t understand, because he wasn’t like that at all. Before, he would always get out of his way just to be with me (which I find very annoying back then). But during this month, he would rather go to RFC than spend 30 minutes of his time with me. I mean, hello? It’s RFC. Who would want to go there? (I sounded harsh, but I didn’t mean it in a bad way okay)

I never really doubted him, doubted in a way that he would be flirting with other girls. I never thought he would do that to me. I trusted him with all my heart and he made a fool out of me. I wish I knew, I wish I knew he was capable of doing that. They say when you’re in-love you tend to see the good side of the person, and block the negativity away. I guess I was like that to him, because I loved him sincerely.

SEPTEMBER – We had fight here and there. He “tried” to fix it, I tried to fix it. But he always had his way of getting us into a huge fight. Until I got exhausted and I turned to my friends, and so did he. By friends (for him) I mean is... You know what I mean. You get me, right? So, to cut the story short, HE broke up with me, for the first time ever. Can you believe that? A guy. A fat Japanese guy who was head over heels with me before broke up with me. And he didn’t even give me a chance. And he was constantly lying to me. I cried myself from day to night for two consecutive days.

Also, during this month... He had a new girlfriend. And he would lie to me about it. Saying he doesn’t have a girlfriend and that he was just enjoying her company and he wasn’t courting her. I know he’s a liar, but I believed everything he said when we were still together, but I know he’s a liar. A good one. You see, that’s the trick in love. You get to block everything bad, I was just stupidly in-love with him I guess.

OCTOBER – All my speculations were proven. So I put an end to my grieving process, I stopped caring for him. I would not want someone who doesn’t want me back, I’m not pathetic and definitely not a slut. So, I decided to entertain other people. Suitors, I mean. It’s a nice feeling you know, that someone likes you, and cares for you, or they pretend they do. So I had suitors, they helped a lot really, I felt happy.

NOVEMBER – I love my new group of friends. They’re just amazing. They were the one who’s there for you when you need comfort. I love them, really.

DECEMBER - He started texting me. I replied back. We were okay. I think we’re friends now. He said we’re friends, or he’s just pretending. I’m not really sure, but I’ll know if he’s sincere, maybe not now, but in the future, I’ll know.

This blog wasn’t supposed to be about him. Haha! I don’t know how I managed to write something about him again. But its okay, it’s not like I’m feeling bitter or anything. This blog was really about the upcoming board exam, graduation day, revalida, and everything else. I don’t want to stress myself about it. But man, I’m getting really anxious :/

Nonsense

2010-11-27T21:42:00.000+08:00

Our internet is jamming up badly. This is one of the nights when I curse and hate Globe. Anyway, to keep myself away from frustration I decided to blog. I don’t really have any idea on what I’m about to write, just letting my hands do the typing and hopefully I’ll write something sensible.

I was with my friends, Esprit de Corps a while ago. This is the second week we bonded on a Saturday afternoon. It’s starting to become a habit. Which is fun of course; although I think we should choose a place that is more soothing and where it’s more comfortable. Not that I’m making a big fuss about April’s place, it’s nice of her to lend her place. Di ko lang talaga siguro feel dun. Hehe!

I can’t think of anything to write. Haha! So I guess I’ll end this blog without making any sense. Bye! J

Guys Part I

2010-11-24T23:33:00.000+08:00

How would you know if a guy is courting you or not? It had been my dilemma ever since I got single and I’ve been contacted with my previous guy friends, and some, not so close guy friends, or even the close ones. It’s really hard to tell these days, or am I the only girl in the world who doesn’t know if a guy is courting her or not. I think I may be old school in some way. I mean, I still want to be courted the old way; where guys seemed more sincere, more trustworthy and not torpe at all.

I don’t have problems with torpe guys. Okay, maybe I do – a little. It bothers me because you don’t really know what they want; they’re not straight forward and a little bit awkward at times. You wouldn’t know if they just wanted to be friends or something more than that. They’re SO complicated! And I hate that.

I also don’t like guys who are too fast. There was this guy who asked me out on a date right after he saw my single status on facebook. And I was like dumbfounded right at that moment. How can he be so insensitive right? It’s not like I lost my teddy bear, I lost someone dear to me and you’re asking me out on a date that fast? C’mon, be sensitive dude. I’m not superwoman or anything.

I love being single. It gives me more freedom, and I had less worries than I have when I was in a relationship. I guess being in a relationship has its pros and cons.

When you have a boyfriend...

You do not decide for yourself only. You have to include him ALWAYS or you end up in a fight.
You are flooded by text messages and is required to reply in every text your partner had sent, or you’ll end up in a fight, again.
You can’t wear the clothes you’d like to wear because it would always be too short or too long.
You want to be in your friend’s party but you can’t because he have thousands of reasons why you can’t come. And you’ll feel bad about it, so instead having the time of your life, you end up at home watching your dog barks at everyone who walks at your street.

But, it’s not always like that. What’s good about having a boyfriend is....

You have someone to cuddle with when it’s raining.
A shoulder to cry on, when your mad or happy. When you feel like your world is tearing apart, you could cry and it would be okay to feel ugly about it.
You receive a sweet text message when you wake up the next day.
And a lot more.

People say I’m choosy when it comes to guys. I don’t know. Maybe I am. But it’s because I’m afraid to get hurt again. I don’t want another mistake in my life, so I’m being extra careful about it. I’m just enjoying my single life right now. And if someone comes along the way, it wouldn’t bother me, I would totally be okay about it. I just hope he’s not another douche bag.

There’s a 90% chance that there will be a part 2 story about this topic. I would want to write about what I like about guys. :D

Playlist

2010-11-07T22:10:00.001+08:00

All of us have our own set of playlist in our ipod, right? There’s always one set of songs that would always hit us, like it was meant for us. What’s good about music is that it connects us to people around the world, like knowing that we’re not the only one who got dumped by a guy, or the one who got cheated, and other stuffs like that. And in some way or another it helps us move on, it teaches us to let go. Music redefines the emotions we feel inside that we couldn’t express outside. And that’s what makes it our favourite song. The songs we sing reflects the way we feel, that even if we don’t express it verbally, people will know what we are going through just by singing a happy or a lonely love song.

I’m writing this right now because I believe that music had become a big part of my life, and I believe yours too. Even though I don’t have any talent musically, I can’t even sing in tune nor play any kind of instruments other than a gong. Nevertheless, it doesn’t stop me from loving music; it doesn't stop me from singing out loud with my horrific voice. I love how music makes me feel free.

I’m going to share you my life through a playlist in a chronological order. Starting from the day I got my heart broken. (I'm sorry if I sound emo, but trust me, I'm not)

1. Breakeven - Maddie Jane

♥ I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing

Just prayed to God 'cause I'm not believin'

Cos I got time while he got freedom

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even

His best days will be some of my worst

If i met a girl who's gonna put him first

While I'm wide awake he's no trouble sleeping

Cos when a heart breaks no it don't break even,

What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you and

What am I suppose to say when i'm all choked up and you're OK

I'm falling to pieces

They say bad things happen for a reason

But no wise words gonna stop me bleeding

Cos he moved on while I'm still grieving

And when a heart breaks no it dont break even

You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain

You took your suitcase, I took the blame

Now I'm tryna make sence of what little remains

Cos you left with no love, with no love to my name

2. Impossible - Maddie Jane

♥ I remember years ago

Someone told me I should take

Caution when it comes to love

I did, I did

And you were strong and I was not

My illusion, my mistake

I was careless, I forgot

I did

And now when all is done

There is nothing to say

You have gone and so effortlessly

You have won

You can go ahead tell them

Tell them all I know now

Shout it from the roof tops

Write it on the sky love

All we had is gone now

Tell them I was happy

And my heart is broken

All my scars are open

Tell them what I hoped would be

Impossible, impossible

Falling out of love is hard

Falling for betrayal is worst

Broken trust and broken hearts

I know, I know

Thinking all you need is there

Building faith on love and words

Empty promises will wear

I know, I know

3. Solo - IYAZ

♥ I said I don't want to walk this earth if I gotta do it solo.

See we used to be a team

Runnin the streets

We was living out our dream

I used to be your rider

You was my provider

Now we separated in two

Oh we was burning up the block

And everybody know when we step in the spot

See, we was like the dynamic duo

Id never thought that you'd go, but you did uh, yeah you did

Oh baby you left and sailed away alone (Yeah, alone)

And now you got me trapped up on this island

Where nowhere to get home

And I don't wanna go, go

I don't wanna go, go

I don't wanna it no, no

I don't want to walk this earth

If I gotta do it solo (solo)

Cuz I was so high

And now im so low

And I don't wanna walk around alone, solo

Said I don't want to walk this earth

If I gotta do it solo (solo, solo)

You was the beat on to my top line,

Put us together

And you'd have to hit rewind

See, you give me a purpose

Now I'm getting nervous

That my heart will never sing again

Oh, when we was runnin up the airways,

They knew us from the Virgin Islands to the U.K.

See, we was on the way to the platinum and gold

Never thought that you'd go but you did ya, ya you did.

4. Over You - Chris Daughtry

♥ Now that it’s all said and done

I can’t believe you were the one

To build me up and tear me down

Like an old abandoned house

What you said when you left

Just left me cold and out of breath

I fell too far, was in way too deep

Guess I let you get the best of meeee

Well I never saw it coming

I should have started running

A long, time agooo!

And I never thought I’d doubt you

I’m better off without you

More than you, more than you know

I’m slowly getting closure

I guess it’s really over

I’m finally gettin’ better

Now I’m picking up the pieces

From spending all of these years

Putting my heart back together

‘Cause the day I thought I’d never get through

I got over you!!!

You took a hammer to these walls

Dragged the memories down the hall

Packed your bags and walked away

There was nothing I could say,

And when you slammed the front door shut

A lot of other’s opened up

So did my eyes so I could see

That you never were the best for meee

The day I thought I’d never get through,

I got over you…

I guess that's just about it. Oh, I also like MYMP's Magical Feeling. That's gotta be my number five song. I'm just too sleepy to put it here. Until next time! :)

Damn, Right!

2010-11-04T23:39:00.000+08:00

This caught my eye on twitter a while ago. My friend, Biboy managed to tweet this and as I was about to log out this message suddenly popped out. I think it was really meant for me to read it, don't you think? I was hysterically laughing when I saw this. It really made my day.

The message made much sense, don't you think? Let me say it again;

"Walang kwenta ang matagal na RELASYON sa masipag na MANUNULOT na may DETERMINASYON."

I don't know why and how it made me laugh. Okay, maybe I do! I didn't want to post it on my facebook wall, but Biboy said there's nothing wrong with it. And if some aliens might get mad about this, I've got all the proof I need to shut them all up and make them fall back in planet zero. Okay, I'mma cut the crap now 'cause I'm not making any sense. Anyway, he also said that guilty people are the first one's to get offended by it. Tama di ba? So, I'm not worried about offending anyone, if ever someone will, it's another I-go-it-right-again moment.

I love the fact that I'm all better now. That there's no more lonely love songs, and tears accompanying me through the night. It's like, I feel better all of a sudden and I don't know even know when it started.

Kudos to all my friends and everyone who keeps me company everyday. May it be through text, calls, ym, facebook chat, facebook message, or personal. I love how they make me laugh every single day ♥

Curl Me Not.

2010-11-02T16:41:00.001+08:00

Last night, I decided to curl my hair using a flat iron because I got inspired by Tricia Gosingtian on candymag's beauty feature. The first curl was amazing, but after that I wasn't able to do it correctly. As you can see, it doesn't look like I put much effort on it. It's like just-got-out-of-bed look. And I'm sorry for the crappy photo, I haven't manage to charge my camera for days now.

Anyway, I'll be back in school in six ~~long~~ days. I'm actually nervous and down right anxious. I just hope we'll experience less stress this semester, and more good sleep, and incredibly good clinical instructors. Our class had been blessed with good instructors since third year started, I hope it'll continue until our last.

I bought myself a new pencil case yesterday, it's an animal print design I saw in the kid's section at SM Department store. It was on sale too! I purchased it instantly. Gotta love animal prints <3

Love?

2010-10-31T00:13:00.000+08:00

I was talking to my high school best friend few weeks ago, and I told her what happened to me and my ex-boyfriend. She was amazingly shocked, I couldn’t blame her. I mean all the people who knew me and my ex was surprised about what he did to me. Again, I couldn’t blame them.

I will not narrate our break-up story here because his family might get a chance and read all of this. And I wouldn’t want to give a negative effect on them regarding their nephew, son, brother, grandson. That’s like cyber harassment. Haha! It would be nice if they’d hear it from him. His side of story, fake or not, I don’t care anymore. It’s up to him if he wants to tell the truth or not.

So, my point of story is this: My best friend then said to me; “Ayoko na mag-boyfriend!” I really didn’t know how to respond, I was taken aback on what she had just said. I want to tell her that not all men are like that, but I was all blanked that time, I was still mad at “him” and all the guys in the world who have cheated on their girl. Haha!

When we were in high school, my best friends and I made an agreement. We vowed that we will not have a boyfriend until we reach our eighteenth birthday. Regardless about what our parents will consider, all of us, except one, were able to fulfill that vow. She had a boyfriend when we were in sophomore year, but we couldn’t blame her, love comes unexpectedly. Although they’re not together now, but they did last long.

I’m the kind of girl who doesn’t want to be in loads of relationship with guys. I don’t want to be known as “the ex-girlfriend” of anyone. But, it happened to me now, I’m an ex-girlfriend. Go on, girls can mark an X sign on my face now. I know for a fact that guys aren’t as good as we think they are, and not as bad as we think of them either. Life’s like that. It’s a tough road we’re living here, and we should be as strong as a rock to be able to overcome them, right?

I want to know what true love means, and how would you know if its true love you’re about to face. Honestly, I’m afraid to fall in love again. I’m tearfully scared about it, and that’s a fact I never wanted anyone to know. But, God is with me, and nothing can go wrong if he’s by my side. I just don’t want another mistake in my life. Once is enough. I couldn’t handle the stress and the hurt if this happens to me again.

If any of my friends’ boyfriend or suitor will get a chance to read this. I’m telling you right now. I mean, I’m warning you that if you ever hurt my girls, better watch for your crotch because I have a big bag with heavy cosmetics and a strong umbrella that can knock you down.

Moved.

2010-10-29T21:40:00.001+08:00

I feel so uninspired lately, I couldn’t think of anything to write. After our break-up I’ve been so inspired being bitter and at the same time mad, with a little bit of sadness on the side, I had tons of thoughts in mind that I decode in writing. Does that mean I’ve totally moved on? Does that mean I care less about him and what he did to me? I’m not really sure, but I think I have.

That’s a good thing, right? I crossed into someone’s blog today, and I ‘kinda felt her, I feel every ounce of hurt she felt while she was writing that entry. Because that was me weeks before, glad it’s all over now. Below is her post:

You Have Ruined Me.

I was always careful not to get too close to you cause we both know what reputation you had.

But then it just happened: you made me fall for you. We would wake up every summer morning right after our parents would go to work and talk all day. I miss that. You told me everything about your life and I really got to know you.

2 years. 2 whole years spent with you. And then you turned your back on me. After promises and after proving to me over and over again how much you loved me, you just walked away. A pathetic excuse and it was all over.

I don’t know how I feel about you now. Yea, we still talk but you are a complete different person whom I hate. Sometimes I regret wasting all that time on you. Sometimes I feel like I would do anything to get you back.

You broke my heart and I don’t think I’ll ever be the same again.

Just scratch the part where they wake up every summer morning, and change the 2 to three years. I felt that entry was made for me. And also, scratch the part where she wants to get him back. Because ever since I knew about him and his girl, my love just died right then and there. I would never want a man who’s like that. Never did, never will.

I'm thinking of changing my blog's description. Because I couldn't write any "after break-up" stories anymore, I couldn't think of any now. The pain is slowly moving away, but it will always be here, I couldn't possibly forget it, and that's the sad part I couldn't erase. But I'm glad I became stronger, and even more happier.

I'm NOT bored.

2010-10-27T17:05:00.006+08:00

Wow! Its been an incredibly long time since I last blogged. Or not, but it feels like it. I'm stuck at home today doing nothing but sit in my red chair, go through tumblr, download movies, watch it, and then download a new one again. Pretty much the same stuff I've been doing since I woke up.

I had one busy week lately. I've been in and out of the house since sem-break started, and that includes my money getting all drained. I haven't even gone shopping yet, with the money I have now, I don't think I will be getting new clothes soon.

Number one reason why I didn’t go out today is because I look like I ate a tennis ball and it got stuck in my left mouth. I took a picture, but it was so horrifying I decided not to share it. I think I’ll be wearing a face mask tomorrow since I have to go to school because it’s enrolment day. Gosh, I wish it will not swell tomorrow so I don’t have to wear a mask.

I am also dying in hunger right now. Because I’m on a soft diet and I can’t really chew well because it hurts so bad! I’ve been eating arroz caldo and champorado since yesterday, I swear I’m gonna throw out any minute now. My mom's currently out with my aunt, and she'd be bringing me ice-cream pretty soon, so I'm looking forward to that. Gosh, I feel like a kid. Haha!

What about my fellow blog readers, how was your day today? :)

P.S.
Could you bloggers do me a favor and answer my poll on the left side.

Plastic Bags, Plastic Trash

2010-10-23T10:40:00.000+08:00

I find it difficult to understand how guys can break a woman’s heart without feeling guilty about themselves, how they can go around the city acting like nothing happened. I saw this book in the internet few weeks ago entitled, “Why men love bitches.” I’m not sure if that book really existed, but I might buy it if I see it for sale in a book store. I’m not saying that this someone is a bitch okay. I’m not. The book’s title just made an impact on me.

I ‘kinda miss my old friend, Cholo because we would always talk during lunch time or in between breaks about guys. By the way, he’s not gay, he’s like the hottest guy in campus when we were in high school. I had learned a lot about guys from him, he shares stories a guy wouldn’t want to share with a girl. Even the filthy things guys do, specifically his friends, he shares it with me. Maybe that’s why it takes a long time for a guy to court me back then, I have settled a standard, that wasn’t being met.

I remember when I first met my ex-boyfriend. Uhm.... Okay, I don’t. Haha! He said we met in our Nutrition class, but all I remember was when we had lunch at KFC with our classmates. I think that was my first encounter of him, not really sure. Because, you see, when he liked me, I didn’t like him. Our courting period wasn’t that long; he’s a fast paced guy I must say. He’s really good when it comes to asking a girl to be his girlfriend. And I fell in that trap. The only reason why I said yes when he asked me to be his girl is because he’s good looking, and I sort of did it for a revenge. So after ten days, I broke up with him. But he didn’t want to, and he said sweet stuffs any girl couldn’t resist, so again, I was back with him.

Our more than three years relationship wasn’t all bad, there were good memories too. I broke up with him many times, I broke up with him because he’s too strict, too controlling, asking me not to wear this or that. And I, being a spoiled little brat couldn’t accept that someone’s controlling me, all he wanted me to wear was clothes that could cover my entire body. He didn’t want me to wear shorts or anything that will show my skin off. We fought about that a lot, so there came a time he was okay with it. There was this time I broke up with him because he was late for five minutes. I’m laughing at myself right now because I didn’t realize how childish how I was when we were together. Whenever someone gets upset, may it be him, or me, he’s always the one to ask for an apology first. For two years, it was like that. When we fight, breaking up with him was the easiest thing to do. He once told me that breaking up is not the solution in every problem we encounter. But then again, it’s what he did to me, and now I know why he didn’t gave me another chance. When another person is involved, the temptations, every promises just vanish. Everything disappears, because this world will eat you up if you’re weak.

I’m just proud of myself right now, because I know I did not do anything wrong. That I wasn’t unfaithful, that I was true to my words. For me, lying is really awful. That’s why when we were on our midyear together, I was forcing him to tell my parents about us, but he is always anxious, and was being really gay. Because if he’s a real man, he would confront my parents right away, I know I was the one who told him not to tell my family about us in the first place, but that was because I wasn’t sure of him and I was afraid. But when it’s about time, he chickens out. Like a gay.

Now, when the time came that I was sure of him, that I have gotten to love him, he left me alone, accompanying with all the lies and hurt he made me feel. At first, I really thought he broke up with me because I wasn’t giving him what he wants, and maybe his new mate, is giving him the kind of love he wants to have. And I wouldn’t want to be bothered by it, because I’m happy that this happened now, that I didn’t have to catch him red handed with someone else. It just breaks my heart that months before this he was already lying to me. I trusted him whole heartedly I never doubted him. But he broke that trust. Now I know, not all good guys are good. Some are just being placed in the Tupperware section at the market.

Did He Really...?

2010-10-23T01:09:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when I look at him, I see another person. Not the one that I knew, he really changed. Even the way he looked, and he had gotten fatter. Haha! But he did, he did really change, even the way he talks, or type something in facebook, or other on-line networks, he's different. It's like, he became someone I didn't thought he would be.

I remember he told me he still wanted to me to be his friend, that we could text or talk. At first I was okay with that idea, but my friends thought it wouldn't help me at all. So I told them I'm not texting him anymore, although I was. And I stopped when I knew about what he really did to me, when I knew how he made me look like such a fool, how he lied, and when it started. I've gotten so mad at him I would curse at his back and his new found mate. But, that wouldn't help me neither, right? So I re-assessed myself, thought about everything and erased all the negativity I feel for him. Although, it really didn't work out fast, because everyday I meet new people telling me stories my ears couldn't handle, the hate comes back. And the thought of him changing really hit me, I mean, it would be alright if he changed for the better. But, in my opinion, he's doing the exact opposite, and I don't want to put blame on people, because who am I to do that, right? And we have no right to judge people. But, those stories are ringing in my head it makes we want to puke. It's disturbing and.... Disturbing.

I don't know if he knows about this blog, but I bet he doesn't know what I know of him. People just keep on whispering me some stories, even if I don't ask. I don't know the truth so I'm just going to keep my mouth shut, and let God do the rest.

I don't even know if he knows the rumors going around them. But, he wouldn't block me in facebook (even if we're not together anymore) if he's not hiding anything, right? The rumors just makes sense. Ugh, I hate gossips. It consumes me! And the bad part is, people still tells me everything they know even after I told them not to. Plus, it's not just in facebook, it's everywhere. Gossiping is a devil's best friend. I wouldn't want to get closer. So people, stop! 'Cause I don't want to care anymore, and that good boy image he had worked for might find its way in the trash. And I don't even want those stories be heard by their families. Because even I is getting hurt and annoyed, the good memories of him remaining in me is starting to vanish like a smoke. And, I don't want to remember him in a bad way. Even after what he did to me, I'm just keeping those remaining good old memories safe in the deepest storage in my brain.

So, the next time someone ask me about him I would response in a nice, decent manner. Like, he's nice. Period. No more strings attached. And if ever someone attempts to tell me something new again, I would try my best not to listen.

Smile

2010-10-22T18:05:00.001+08:00

There are moments when I miss him so bad I want to let him know, I miss those days when we’re just together, sitting in the living room staring at each other with nothing to talk about. Spending quality time together even when we’re dead tired, me playing games on the computer, him watching movies or doing something else, I miss the times we rarely even talk but feel assured and knowing that he’s just right there makes everything okay, that he makes my fears go away.

But, it’s different now. He’s no longer there for me, there’s no more “Yoda” I could tell every detailed story of my life with, no more “Yoda” who can make my fears vanish in just a snap, no more warm hugs and sweet messages. No more “Yoda” that I can throw my tantrums off and get away with it every single time. No more “Yoda” who spoils me in everything, even the littlest things like ice-cream and candies, or even time.

I couldn’t help not to think of him every time something happens to me; he’s just the first person that pops out of my mind. Like when I’m feeling depressed, times when I feel so low, or times when I’m extremely happy, I always text him and he always have something nice to say and it makes my confidence grow, it makes the pain disappear. He was always there for me. That’s why it’s such a struggle to forget about him that easy.

But now, I know I’m dealing with this matter with God by my side. I’ve realized a lot also, everyday God is telling me why this has to happen. Why he made it possible for us to separate, even though I pray hard at night asking him how I want this relationship to last, how I wanted to have a family with him, because I really thought that he would be the one. But, God wouldn't give us the things that would not do good to us, right? God is teaching me a lesson. And, although I may not write about that, I think I know what he’s trying to teach me.

I’m really thankful that I have friends who are always there to support me and lend their ears when I needed them most. Because I’m pretty sure I wouldn't make it this far if it wasn’t for them. I love how God gave me wonderful friends, and a family who’s always there for me through my ups and downs.

P.S.
I don't want him back, okay? Readers have different views on what they're reading. I'm just making it clear :) I just had a good time at school today, and something a while ago made me remembered him. Just a part, just the popping out part. Not everything. :)

Bliss!

2010-10-21T21:59:00.000+08:00

I’ve always been asked by random people if I’ve already moved on. Honestly, I find it difficult to answer because I feel so unsure about what I’m feeling. But I always answer them with a yes, or I don’t know. And they will still push the question until they’re satisfied with the answer they’re looking for. I don’t know exactly what they want to hear from me, if it’s a yes, or a no. But whatever it is, I think their intentions are good, or the other way around. But nevertheless, I know I’ll be okay, maybe not now, but I know I will be.

Ever since I posted my single status on-line, I’ve been receiving text messages by my friends telling me someone wants to meet up with me, or I’d get messages on my facebook asking for my number, and guys asking me if I wanted to go out with them, I also received a lot of facebook friend requests by random guys I didn’t really know. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not bragging about this. I just want to make it clear that I’m not really ready for a new relationship right now. Although, kilig text messages gets me off the hook sometimes and makes me forget about him, but at the end of the day I ask myself if its helping me move on. Maybe in one way or another, it is sort of making me forget about him, but I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings by sending them mixed signals.

So, right now, I think I’m being old school again. Because I want my next relationship to be my last, so I guess I’d be really picky when it comes to guys. I think good looks are just a plus, next time I meet a guy that I really like, I gotta dig deeper. Know them more and they have to be a Christian. Maybe in the next three to five years God will make a way for me to meet him. I’m not really in a hurry, but I can’t wait to see the man I’d be falling in-love to again.

I can’t believe I’m blogging about this. Haha! Tomorrow, I’ll definitely blog something more relevant and not so high school-ish. I think I’m just happy because I feel special today. Thank you to everyone who’s being extra nice, sweet, and caring for me. I hope this post wouldn’t be tremendously lame.

Change

2010-10-20T23:18:00.001+08:00

After our final exam, I spent the entire day with my girlies. And I met someone new, someone who knew a lot about them. I didn’t think it was a good idea to listen to him/ her, but I still did. I wanted to know everything, so I’d know why he did this to me and what kind of person he truly is. (Yes, even if I knew him for more than three years)

I really can’t believe everything he/ she had told me, but, I’ll say it again... “People change.” I don’t know how much big of an impact the people on his surroundings did to him, but he really changed. And I’m not making a big fuss about this, I’m not saying that they lured him into something bad, or something that would make his character or his actions get away his Christian values. And I’m not being too religious here, because I’m no where perfect, I do make mistakes too, I say and do things that aren’t really nice to hear or very unchristian. But, I know my limits, and I know my actions.

I’m just afraid that he’d lose his relationship with God. Because, even though what he did to me is entirely wrong, I still believe we’re friends, although we don’t talk anymore. And as a friend, it’s hard to see someone lose his way in faith.

I don’t know how to end this blog, although I have a lot in mind. I’m just not going to write it all here because I do believe I need privacy. And I don’t want anyone’s feelings get upset. After all, this blog is supposed to be my outlet, my source of moving on, and not some hate-blog site. Haha! So, goodnight everyone! ♥

Confused.

2010-10-18T19:26:00.001+08:00

Sometimes I feel like I’ve accepted everything that had happened, I feel like I’ve moved on, like I’m not a step closer to the edge of breaking down again. I do feel like what happened was meant to happen, so I try to be happy and be sincere about it. But every time I see him, especially his grinning face of happiness, I tend to despise him even more. That the little kind-heartedness I still have for him suddenly vanishes like a bubble. It’s really hard because I don’t want to feel any hatred in my heart, but I remember every detailed lies he have told me and some people.

I still remember that night clearly, like it just happened yesterday. I remember all the awful things he told me, I wanted it all to disappear badly, but I just can’t. It’s really hard. Especially yesterday, when I can’t help not to think of him because it was our day, but whenever I look back all I see are the negative parts, which makes me ire more.

I’ve always wanted to punch him straight to his face ever since I knew about his bee-ai-tee-see-eych. I felt so stupid and so low that I practically begged him to stay with me that night. Because I did not have a clue that he was sort-of cheating on me with that girl. At least I know now, at least I know what kind of person he wants to be with for his entire life.

And sad to say, I'm so not like her, and I'm so not like him. I've been entirely honest and faithful to him, whenever I say a lie, at the end of the day I let him know even though he'd get mad at me. I just couldn't sleep knowing that I've lied to him. And I thought he was like that to me. But, I guess not. He mastered the lying business. And I was such a fool that I believed him.

Right now, I have mixed emotions about what I truly feel. I don't know if I had moved on, or I'm still carrying bitterness with me. But, I'm on the process of healing, and no tears are falling on my cheek ever again.

Leave

2010-10-16T23:09:00.001+08:00

I’ve been singing the whole day, that’s why it rained. Haha! So forgive me, I don’t want another Ondoy so I stopped singing now, I’m just humming right at this moment listening to Jojo and Katharine McPhee ♥

“'Cause I know about her and I wonder how I bought all the lies; you said that you would treat me right but you was just a waste of time”

- A line from Jojo’s song, Leave

Grand.

2010-10-15T19:18:00.000+08:00

We didn't have our hospital duty today so our clinical instructor opted to send us to the health tower to watch the Grand Case Presentation of the Cluster 3 students. At first I didn't like the idea because I knew I was going to get bored and hospital duty sounds better rather than wearing RLE uniform and sitting on those arm chairs for hours. But, it didn’t turned out as boring as I imagined it to be. We were laughing the entire time with our favourite clinical instructors, sharing stories and giving thoughts and comments about everyone’s favourite topic of me. Know what I mean? So yeah, it was awesome. I want to blurt out everything, but I have to be composed, and talking cheap stuffs on-line is a no-no for me. It’s like public display of affection on couples. And I’m not that kind of girl. Bitterness ain’t eating me no more, and that’s a good sign! J

I’m really proud of my section, especially to my classmates regarding our Grand Case Presentation, I believe we did a good job, and we were sort of in unity that day, and although the question and answer portion was hanging on a thread, we still had the best time, and I believe our closeness as a section would not be ruined by a mistake of some of the people in the group. Because, like everyone else, we all did the best that we can to answer the hardest and even the easiest questions. Apart from that, I’m super unlimited happy because I wasn’t called by any of the panellists. Hoorraayy!

We had a fashion show inspired theme. Credits goes out to our director, Wilmar! We were really happy from the outcome of our presentation. ♥

And to end this blog, here's more pictures! :)

Thank you to Ms. Ligaya Barot for our awesome photos! ♥

Happy

2010-10-14T23:19:00.000+08:00

I’ve been receiving a lot of positive feedbacks about my new blog. And I finally made up my mind and decided to make this a habit. Writing was and still is the only way to keep me sane about life and my emotional drama journey towards the future. It’s my outlet, my only magic exit door on a dead end road.

So here I am again, writing anything that comes in my mind right at this moment. I think I stopped blogging when I was in my second year of college. I felt busy, and my world kinda stopped right there. I remember how I used to love reading books, writing stories and composing poems that I wasn’t proud of I didn’t show it to anyone. I had this notebook and I write everything there, all my poems and drawings. I think I lost it, or it might have made its way in the trash bin. Didn’t really know what happened, but I remember I had at least five pages of self composed poems there. I’m pretty sure that if I ever get my hand on that notebook again, I’ll laugh at myself for having too many grammatical errors.

Next time I blog, I’ll post pictures. So this page wouldn’t be as boring as what is written in it. Haha! Tomorrow, I might write about our Grand Case Presentation that happened earlier this afternoon. It was very nerve wracking, but exciting day. I’m really happy to be part of my section. They’re the best!

First.

2010-10-13T20:20:00.000+08:00

I sort of read my old blog site today. Funny, how I thought I was so mature when I was in high school. Most of my posts there were about friends, material things, school, and of course, love. Funny how I thought I knew what love was back then, and stumble about what it really means now.

I wasn’t all that mature during my high school days, I mean, I still play patintero when I was in my fourth year, I don’t wear make-up, or wear shoulder bags. I was a variety of boyish and kikay girl. Boyish because I wasn’t one of the girls who had boyfriends, I love hanging out with boys, talking to them, playing street games with them, I had more fun doing that than putting on make-up and going into relationships. I say kikay, because I love clothes and having suitors, receiving candies, chocolates, love letters, and having someone tell you you’re beautiful each day. I thought the meaning of kikay was in that kind of way. So yeah, I think we can agree to disagree with me on this. ;)

Anyway, as most or I must say, the entire people I know, or does not know of knew what happened to me recently. Not really the proudest day of my life, but it happens. Yes, I got my heart broken. As Justin Bieber would say, “My first love broke my heart for the first time.” Because he was my first love, first in almost everything I must say. It was really bad. Never thought it would happen to me. I never even thought that I would go through all the crying, grieving, even cursing part. It felt unreal for a moment I feel I was gonna die. I felt that way really, I thought I was going to die. Don’t laugh; I’m not ashamed I said that, because it’s true. That’s what I felt, that’s what he made me feel.

Few days after, I was bitter, I was mad, but I was hopeful as well. I thought it was just a nightmare that he and I would surpass. He told me he wanted to let go of me because I was dragging him down with all of my negativity that he wanted to focus on his studies and his family. I let him talk through me about this, and I honestly felt bad about myself that night, I thought I wasn’t good enough for someone. And I really didn’t get it at first, all his reasons about breaking up with me was just a little too less for me to get it. I really didn’t understand.

So every day, I find reasons to text him, because I feel like I still need him. He was like a battery to my dying phone, that I wouldn’t function without him. And deep inside I thought he was just going through some hormonal changes, like what most girls feel these days… And I thought he was coming back.

But as days pass, rumors heard, rumors seen, all his lies were proven. I stopped, and thought about everything. What kind of guy would do that to a girl he promised forever and after with, to a girl he promised he will be faithful to, to a girl who was faithful to him and never lied for more than three years of their relationship. Is that love?

I’m just gonna stop right there, because I don’t want to sound bitter. Maybe, I just couldn’t accept the fact that a third party was involved, and he would lie about it. And he still does. Because that's not the kind of person he showed me when I was with him. You wouldn’t really know the truth about someone’s personality. As the saying goes… “People change.” Though I still have this question in mind, did he really change, or he had the ability to do that to someone? I just hope and pray, it wouldn't happen again. Because I know how it feels, I don't want any other girl to experience that, not even... You know who.

Right now, I’m just thankful because I have my family, friends, and God who loves me truly and surely :)